Monday, April 23, 2012

Pearl Time

I had all sorts of lofty ideals when I was pregnant with my pair about how our family would handle the twin thing. I read lots of books and agreed with them all about how important it would be to foster my babies' individuality. We succeeded at many things. On only a handful of occasions have the girls been dressed in matching clothes, and then usually at bedtime. And I almost never refer to them as "the twins". They've always been "the babies", "the girls" or just Pearl and Stella. Or Stearl and Pella, if I'm having a bad day.

But the one in which we scored a big fat fail was the idea to spend lots of one-on-one time with each of them. I remember the fervour with which I discussed this plan with the GM. It will be really important, I said, that we each get a chance each week to get out of the house with each baby, on their own. To foster and develop our relationships with each of them as unique and beautiful individuals rather than part of a unit, like. 


This on top of my determination that Lola's life be disrupted as little as possible by quite possibly the biggest thing that can disrupt a two-year-old's life - not one but two interlopers. That we get lots of one-on-one time with her away from the babies. And of course, the GM and I would need to have lots of one-on-one time with each other to nurture our relationship as friends and lovers as distinct from parents. Uh-huh. Oh, not to mention lots and lots and lots of special solo time, each of us, on our own, so that we could return to our parenting role with renewed patience and vigour.

Someone send me some of those 37-hour days, please. Maybe nine a week. Uh-huh.

Not counting the hundreds of hours of 'special time' we've spent with Stella in the midnight hours, or the dozens of hours (a day, it seems) I spend with Pearl hovering just to the right of my elbow, one-on-one time with these babies of mine has been a hard thing to come by. And I admit, I've always put the chance for a solo coffee or a solo movie or even a solo supermarket trip ahead of precious ambles in the park with just one of my children, if a spare hour or three has ever arisen.

Until last week when, thanks to the meningococcal scare, I was gifted two awful but very lovely nights alone with my Pearl. Yes, the cannula in her arm was a nightmare, painful for her and a pain in the arse for me every time she moved and set the alarm a-bleeping. Yes, the hourly visits from the nurses to check her temperature were traumatic, not from anything they did but because Pearl thought the worst and would scream and cry until they left the room. And, yes, seeing my little girl lying there covered in red welts, feeling sore and sad and sorry, was heart-breaking.

But it was two nights (Daddy got the daytime) of her and me, cuddling and snuggling, watching 'Playschool', reading 'Nurse Nancy', singing songs, sharing toast, and holding hands across the bed rail. Uninterrupted by the day-to-day. Time standing still.

And I've come out of it with boundless new love and patience for this brave and funny little girl.

Of course, I'm OK if we don't have to go to such extreme measures to find special time together in the future. But however it was delivered, helped immeasurably by the happy outcome, I'm grateful for it.


  1. A blessing in an otherwise awful time!

    What a lovely place you have here. Have enjoyed having a look around. Drooling over that lamb shoulder! Admiring your knitting. Getting to know your cute girls!

    I'll be back, for sure.

    rachel x

  2. Oh this is just beautiful! Your description of the sweet moments you had in the hospital left tears in my eyes xx

  3. You write so well Greer.

    I try hard to give just as much attention as I used to...but I'm discovering this simply isn't possible. A 37 hour day sounds like the perfect answer. Or maybe letting go and accepting my reality a bit more.

    I hope your gorgeous girl is back to her normal self now. x

  4. This a lovely post :-) So glad Pearl is better. It must have been so scary at the time. x

  5. oh dear, poor Pearl. those (mercifully rare) hospital nights have been some of the most terrifying of my life. you do so well in seeing the positive that came from it.

  6. So glad she is better, I'm glad you found some positive in an otherwise awful situation. Bring on some one to one time, somewhere, somehow...

  7. Oh, poor darling and poor Mama too! So glad things turned out well and that were able to find a positive side to such a difficult experience.

    Unrealistic thoughts prior to becoming a parent? Who ever heard of such a thing? Cough cough... :)

    From the perspective of an identical twin, my sister and I never spent one on one time with either of my parents until we were adults. We have a brother too, five years older, and we were always a 'family.' If one was doing something there was a fair chance that all were doing it. On the off chance there was one on one time, it tended to be my brother with my father and my sister and I were with our mother. It worked out quite well. I have no resentment toward either of them for not spending one on one time with me. Fiona and I are the best of friends but still individuals following our own paths. xx

  8. So very happy to see that sweet, healthy face! Although I, too, hate when the little guy is sick (and thankfully he hasn't been all that sick) there's something magical about the cuddles.

  9. she is just precious. those sweet cheeks and little curls. so glad she is well :)

  10. Oh Greer. I am so sorry to hear of Pearl and your family's ordeal. So so glad to see that it all turned out god in the end. What a lovely little girl! Oh and if you find any of those 37 hour days....!

  11. First off, so so thankful that your Pearl is better and that it wasn't what you feared. Did they say what it was? And hope your other girls are healthy too.

    Secondly, you make me laugh with this post - how true we all have these preconceived notions about what parenting will be like or how we will do things when...and then it's not what we expected at all.


I love comments. Thanks for yours!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...